Instinctive will to live. I don't want to die, so I'm here for good. (until I die)
So since I'm here, it only makes sense to live the best possible life that I can. Which means enjoying myself no matter what I am doing, which is something that I seem to have forgotten how to do for a while there. It was like I became someone else other than myself for like a year or so. Now I feel like I've come full circle and become the person who I am supposed to be.
"Then comes the question of is it nature or is it nurture? How do you become who you already are? It's both, it's an evolution."
I partied and chased girls for almost a whole year and then I realized what I was doing was not only stupid but it just wasn't me. I'm an adult now, 230 pounds of muscle with a full beard but it's like I went back to how I was when I was a kid playing games and reading books all day at home. I've become my SELF, but it's like a much more hardcore version of myself, like a super saiyan version of myself.
I treat art like a study session. I play games to learn about people, including my self. Same with reading books, I love fiction and just reading is one of my favourite things to do. Movies, music, anything like that, I love. I've started drawing all kinds of crazy pictures in crayon. I want to start painting but it's really hard.
I live life almost like a zombie movie now, it's improvisation to the max, and one thing I've worked on SO hard is "not giving a ****". Because I'm such a shy, nice person it's hard to not give a ****, especially around lots of people or around people you don't know. I think I suffer from minor social anxiety, as well as some other social disorders such as ADHD, aspergers, OCD, and maybe a few other things.
**** all that. I try to say whatever I want whenever I want to whoever I want, it's almost like I don't give a **** what people think, but it's not quite that because I actually do care what people think. But it's more important to me to be myself than it is to act a certain way to please people.
Some people who don't like me have called me fake and arrogant and stuff like that. Before I used to argue, or try to reason with people. But a guy called me a "fake person" the other day, and instead of what I usually would have said, my response was, "yeah, I am fake. What's your point? You gonna do something about it?"
What's wrong with being fake? We are ALL fake to an extant. If you've told a lie once in your life you are fake.
I think of people as shapes. Most people are squares, because they have a few main sides that they show. So then I thought, well I'm just a hexagon or an octagon or something, I have more sides than other people.
That was close but that wasn't it. People are shapes, with a certain amount of sides that they show people, maybe it's 3 sides or 4 sides or 8 sides, but me, I'm a circle, or a sphere. I have no sides, I just do and say what I want and I don't really care what you think about it because the important thing is what I think about it. A perfect circle.
I'm ranting so much here. Not even sure what I'm talking about here any more. I keep going because I've got to make some money some how.
So here are some priorities
1. Enjoying your life (this can be done in so many different ways)
2. Making money
3. Family and friends are very important. This should be under the "enjoying life" category.
4. I love ART
5. Eve Online counts as art.
This is such a huge question I can't just answer it with one sentence. Unless it's a joke sentence like "caffeine" or "spite".
